So long Jenny....

Today I found out that my hero had passed away. The news came as a bit of a shock. I mean, it shouldn't have, I know all to well how devastating a GBM brain tumor is. Most people only live for a few months, a year or two after being diagnosed with a GBM. But Jen was different, she had survived for SEVEN YEARS and I started to believe more and more that if anyone could beat this terrible disease it was her.

I saw her for the first time on a video from her Today Show appearance. Three years into life with a GBM tumor, and she had just ran the New York Marathon. It is easy to say now that watching that video would change my life forever. But at the time, I still was afraid. I knew I wanted to attempt a half marathon, but my fear was holding me back. After I saw the video, I would think of Jen every time I ran. A few months later, I finally got over my fear and signed up for my first half marathon in Nashville, Tennessee.

Jen was on the team and I began to correspond with her. I still remember the first time I talked to her on the phone. She called me and we had a brief conversation about running in Nashville, the golf tournament, and that "bastard of a tumor". I got off the phone and it felt like I had just talked to a long lost friend, someone I had known my whole life.

I was fortunate enough to run with Jen in Nashville. It turns out it was her last marathon, and I am so thankful I got to meet her and be on the same team! A few weeks after Nashville, Jen called me and asked me to run the Chicago marathon with her. Wow, a whole marathon. I had watched the Boston Marathon before but actually running one myself? A dream maybe, but it would be to hard, impossible even. But there was something about Jen. The answer "no" never even came to mind. Jen was and always will be the ultimate inspiration leader!

Some people thought I was crazy to be convinced to run a full marathon from someone I barely even knew. To this day, I tell people that saying "no" to Jenny just wasn't an option. I don't regret my decision and I never will. My life changed forever the day I watched that "Today Show" video.

I now live in a different world than "Pre-Jenny". Sure I still say, "I can't....", sometimes. But I'm always reminded of "think about Jenny" either subconsciously or by someone close to me afterwards. Those little words make me "suck it up" and deal with what life has in store for me.

Jen, you were the reason I joined Team McGraw. You are and always will be the heart and soul of Team McGraw. Cancer may have taken you physically away from us, but it can never take the memories and inspiration away. We will keep fighting for a cure all the while keeping you close to our hearts.

I'll never forget you my friend.

How to sign up for Team McGraw Providence!

After a sixth month absence, I have decided to bring back my "Pressing On" blog. The last time I wrote an entry was back in May when I started my training for the Chicago Marathon. I'm happy to say I completed the Chicago Marathon and I am excited to run with Team McGraw in 2011!

Many of you know that the Rock n Roll 1/2 marathon series is coming to Providence next year. The inaugural event will be held on August 7, 2011. Team McGraw has become a special part of my life, and I am hoping to form a sizable team for next year's 1/2 marathon.

I found out that the online application is now available on the Team McGraw website!

If you would like to be a part of Team McGraw Providence follow these simple steps:

1. Log on to Team McGraw to learn more about the program and fill out an online application. In the left-hand column, you will see "Applications" under Runner HQ. Click on Applications.

2. You will then have an opportunity to click on Events and choose "Rock n Roll Providence 1/2 marathon". After you fill out your personal information and agree to the terms, click "Submit Registration". You will receive an email confirmation and more information will be provided in the email.

In order to sign up for the 1/2 marathon, you can log on to Rock n Roll Providence. There will be a blue bottom to press "Continue Registration". Sign in, complete the form, and you will be all set!

If you have any questions about the application process or Team McGraw in general, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Ya Gotta Believe!

Team Meeting

This weekend kicked off a summer of busy weekends with lots to do. I wasn't sure if I would be able to get a run in between graduations, wedding showers, and overall driving back and forth to various places. My friend and fellow teammate Jameson flew into Boston late last night. Jameson ran the Chicago marathon in 2006 and jumped at the chance to run in this year's marathon as a member of Team McGraw. Although Jameson currently lives in Chicago, he spent a good amount of time in Boston before that. Jameson is a great guy who is very calm and level headed. However, I know that Boston sports is that one thing I can count on that I can get him all fired up about. When he called me to pick him up at Logan Airport, Dice-K had almost thrown a no hitter in Philadelphia and the Celtics were up by 20 something points in game 3 of the Garden. After I picked him up, we drove past the TD Bank Garden and the green lights were flashing outside. The Celtics were in control and Boston was electric. This was going to be a fun night!

We decided that a Harpoon Summer Vacation 12 pack and my 27 inch TV in my apartment was a better way to go than go out to the local bar. Tufts University was graduating this morning and the bars would be packed with college kids and their parents. We turned on the C's game and eventually the conversation turned to marathon talk after I told him about my half marathon experience in Nashville. Jameson gave me some great advice from his 2006 Chicago experience and I got a new sense of excitement and determination about running in the marathon!

This morning Carmen and I drove down to RI for various events and I found myself alone at my mom's house while everyone else went to their respective places. I brought running clothes and shoes just in case I could run but I forgot my Ipod. In my "previous life", no Ipod means no running. I couldn't possibly complete a work out with out music. Not today. Today I couldn't resist, I realized I had several hours to myself and I could go run for as long as I wanted to. I would take in natural noise and enjoy this summer like weather!

I got out there and started to glide. I had no idea how many miles I wanted to do and I didn't care what my time was. It was a great day and I never missed the music. All said and done I ran 5.2 miles in 49 minutes, 20 seconds. I feel great this afternoon. Our "team meeting" last night gave me a new sense of purpose and determination. Wouldn't it be great if I could glide along like today during all of my long runs?!

I'm Back!!!

After a three week break, I started my "unofficial" training for the Chicago marathon today. During the three week break since Nashville, I successfully finished a prolonged tax season due to the floods in the Northeast. I also got engaged last week! I figure that planning for a wedding while I train for a marathon this summer makes things way more exciting!

So today it was sunny and 77 for most of the day and I had the idea of running when I got out of work in my head since I woke up. Then I got to work and I received an email from Genvieve with the Chicago Marathon registration paper attached to it. Ah ha, its a sign, now I must start training this afternoon. I've been missing those endorphins and have been trying to get off my butt and start continuously running again. If I do not run for more than three days my body starts to betray me. I feel like I have to go for a run or my level of stress increases...

That leads me to my next sign now is the perfect time to start training! This afternoon, Coach Kevin posts a blog post about "feeding your endurance monster". A direct quote from Coach's blog:

"If the monster is denied his daily miles he releases feelings of guilt and shame into my system. This ugly process only adds more stress to life’s daily dose."

Spot on! Although I have not run more than a couple of times over the last three weeks, I have been thinking about it all the time. I found myself one morning a week or so ago getting ready to go out for a run during the normal time I am getting ready for work. I went out on a beautiful morning and ran five miles. It felt great! I showed up to work a half hour later than I normally do but had so much more energy than most mornings. I know this sounds crazy, but I am think I am officially addicted to running!

So today I went out and ran 4 miles - in 40 minutes! That is a faster pace than I liked but it felt great to be out there. I am going to build on this and the good vibes that I am feeling and hopefully start to get back in a routine.

Not only has the training process started, but so has the fundraising. We are in the process of planning our main event - the golf tournament in August. I'm really excited about a possible wine tasting event that could be happening in the near future. And of course there are lots of different ideas everyone can be a part of to raise money for the quality of life of brain tumor patients. Interested in having a car wash? Selling candy bars at your work? Got another great idea? Whatever idea you may have, let me know, I am up for anything, and I could use all the help I can get!

Race Day!

Finally race day has arrived - here is a running diary of what went on before, during, and after the 1/2 marathon:

4:45 AM - My alarm goes off. Race day is here. I wake up and look out the window. It is dark and there is water on the windows, I think "its going to be rain on the course."

5:00 AM - Change into my running gear, eat a light breakfast, and head to the starting line. The rain has stopped and it feels pretty warm already. Cool, I can dig this.

6:00 AM - Taking pictures in front of the starting line, we see Melissa and Lance from the Biggest Loser. I am reminded of all the contestants on the show that were able to run a full marathon. I got this!

6:30 AM - Team McGraw Picture, gear bag to the UPS truck, then a 45 minute wait to use the bathroom

Lesson # 1 - Allow plenty of time to go to the bathroom before you need to get to the starting line.

7:15 AM - Finally get to the starting line. Carmen and I realize our corral is long gone. I tell her its no big deal because of the computer chip tracking our time. Crossing the start line we start to run - what a feeling! 16 weeks of training all comes down to this. I quickly realize that the people in our new corral are all walkers. So much for avoiding using extra energy to run around people who are not going the same place.

Lesson # 2 - Get to the starting line on time!

7:40 AM - Carmen and I hit the 1 mile marker. I make sure to take advantage of the first aid station and get some water. There are rolling hills on this course and there are people running in the street as far as the eye can see. Truly an amazing site!

8:00 AM - We pass the Country Music Hall of Fame and the 2 mile marker. Carmen finds my aunt and cousin. They don't see us at first then we all realize we have found one another. We slap five and talk for a second as we run by... that was fun!

8:30 AM - The race turns down Belmont Ave and the other lanes in the road are used for runners coming back towards downtown. Damn, they are fast! I am trying not to get to frustrated but the road is now only one lane instead of two. There are so many walkers that its hard to keep running. I am trying to concentrate and not get upset.

8:40 AM - We are in a residential area and many people have great signs about the possibility of severe thunder storms and tornados. My top favorites : 1 - "Keep running or you might end up in Oz" and 2. "The pain from running is no where as painful as getting struck by lightning: RUN!" Wow, thanks for the motivation!

8:50 AM - Right around 7.5 miles I feel someone grab my left arm. When I turn my head, there is about an 80 year old guy next to me who asks me if I knew Tug McGraw. "No Sir". "Well I did", he says, "used to live over the hill over there, are you running for him?" "Well sir we are running to support brain tumor patients." Now, I am starting to get nervous. Am I going to have to slow down and talk to this man? Before I can get to worried, he gives me a wave, cuts to the left, and takes off down the street. Hmm, now I better be able to finish!

9:00 AM - Another water stop. The water is starting to get to me. I'm not used to the Nashville water and it seems more chlorinated than in the northeast. This is starting to make my stomach feel weird.... besides that, I have no complaints with how my body feels and we are almost at 9 miles.

Lesson # 3 - Maybe the belt is best and I can have bottled water at my convenience when I need it?

9:30 AM - Right around 10.4 miles I begin to feel sick. In all of our training we only ran up to 10 miles. My mind starts to play tricks on me as the clouds start to roll in and the wind kicks up. My stomach hurts and I need to slow down... this is the dark place that I knew was possible.

9:40 AM - 11 mile marker. Carmen is going strong and we are heading up hill. I am barely running and am contemplating being sick ... I am crawling up the hill trying to get her attention. I feel like I can not run anymore but I do not want to lose her... I catch up to her and tell her I am going to be sick. Author's Note: The next day Carmen tells me at this point my face and lips are all white! - Yikes! She tells me we have less than 2 miles left and I can do this. She is doing great, she has a smile on her face , and she is heading up the hills with authority!

9:50 AM - Don't remember much of this time period except that I don't remember passing the 12 mile marker. I am trying to think about anything but being sick - ugh, why is this race ending UP HILL?! A list of things you might be doing as you finish a long distance race: crying, drinking anything, laughing, lying down to take a nap, throwing up. Check, check, check check, and check. At this point, I am at my breaking point!

10:00 AM - We are finally traveling downhill and the rain starts to come down. It seems like virtually everyone is walking at this point and I keep having to go around and stop running as I glide down the hill. Dear God, I can see the stadium to the right but it seems so far away! We turn the corner, and I can see the mile 13 marker. I have never felt as mentally and physically exhausted as I did at that point. We pass the marker, turn the last corner, and there it is, the finish line. I grab Carmen's hand as we run past hundreds of cheering people.....

10:05 AM - Here's all I remember about the finish: I have nothing left in the tank, I can't hold her hand anymore, I have to keep my head down and not look... I close my eyes and I hear "And here comes Team McGraw!" I lift my hands up (see my profile pic), keep my head down, and cross the finish line!

Everyone seems to stop - I don't feel good - move people! Oh dear, luckily I have saved my signature move to after the finish, before I know it I am bending over, getting sick near the medics. After five minutes of sitting on the bed, I was able to walk throughout the finish.

10:10 AM - Wow, I have never felt pain like this. A man has a megaphone and he is saying "Get your medals and go home, the lightning is coming!" OK sir, I can handle getting my medal. What a beautiful thing, I think I'll wear it forever!

10:15 AM - We finally find Coach Kevin, Genvieve, and Jennifer Brusstar. Just another reminder of why we both did this. I feel much better as it starts to pour rain and thunder all around us.

10:30 AM - We walk a mile back to the hotel in the pouring rain and I take the most amazing shower of my life!

10:45 AM - I already forgot about the pain.... that was awesome! Lets do the Philadelphia 1/2 Marathon!

Bowling for Brains

Friday night we took a cab to Tusculum Lanes for the "Bowling for Brains" event. "Bowling for Brains" is a pasta dinner/bowling event the night before the race for anyone who is interested in supporting Team McGraw. I was looking forward to the event because it would be an opportunity to meet a lot of the individuals I had communicated with via the phone and computer over the last several years.

When we got to the event, we were greeted by Genvieve Goldstein, the Events Director for the Tug McGraw Foundation. Next, we introduced ourselves to one of the National coaches for Team McGraw, Kevin Leathers. We also met the President, Jennifer Brusstar and fellow teammate Jen McDevitt. I was so excited to meet everyone and finally be able to put a face and voice to everyone.

We ate some food and bowled for a bit before a private "runners only" meeting took place in a separate room. We all had an opportunity to introduce ourselves and say what led us to Team McGraw. The next 15 minutes of introductions was very emotional. We heard from Doug and Tom, who both recently lost their wives to brain cancer, and were running in memory of them.

We also heard from Jen McDevitt, who was getting ready to run her eighth marathon event (7 of which she was on

chemo). Jen was the reason why I signed up for both the Nashville 1/2 marathon as well as the Chicago marathon so it was awesome to finally meet her.

After the meeting was over, I wanted to go out and run the race right there and then. I felt inspired, motivated, and ready to go! Overall, the entire evening was a great experience and I felt fortunate to have met some amazing people all running to improve the lives of brain tumor patients and their families!

Nashville - Thursday and Friday

We arrived in Nashville on Thursday afternoon. Carmen and I decided the first thing we would do is head down to the Convention Center to check in, get our registration information, and check out the Expo. The Expo was a quick walk from the hotel and it was really easy to go through the registration process. We did some shopping after we got our numbers and then headed to Panera across the street for some lunch.

On Friday, we took a walk over to the Country Music Hall of Fame. The building was right on the race route so we could see the terrain of the first few miles of the race. The "rolling hills" we had heard about were a bit bigger than anticipated but "what goes up most go down" so we weren't to worried about it. Even though I am not a big country music fan, I enjoyed the Hall of Fame and would recommend it to anyone visiting the Nashville area in the future.

Word started to spread about the weather for Saturday. The percentage chance of rain started to increase every hour. A tornado watch was in affect for Saturday. When we got back to our hotel Friday afternoon, I found the following email in my in box:

"After consultation with all the involved city authorities, due to the weather forecast in the Nashville area which is projecting severe afternoon storms, the MARATHON will most likely be subject to an abbreviated timeline"

Ok - so a potential day of severe thunder storms and a tornado watch. All the while, I started to worry that sixteen weeks of training would be washed away by severe thunderstorms or worse, a tornado. I decided to not worry about it Friday afternoon and enjoy the beautiful day in Nashville. We went back to the hotel later in the afternoon to get ready for the "Bowling for Brains". We were looking forward to meeting everyone that was running with Team McGraw!

Heading to Nashville...

OK this is it! I've been running since the first week of January and the time to run has finally come! I have been bored during my long runs over the last two weeks - I've had to many dress rehearsals - I'm ready for the spotlight! I got a huge boost of inspiration on Monday watching and reading some of the stories of the runners in the Boston Marathon... I know I can do Chicago now... and I am looking forward to it!

Thanks to everyone who supported us over the last couple of months - we grossed over $5,000 in contributions since January - truly amazing! I'll post pictures after the race! :)

The Video

You may be wondering why I would sign up to run in the Chicago marathon before I even complete a 1/2 marathon in Nashville 10 days from now. I always had the idea of running a marathon in the back of my head but it was never going to happen, I would never "will myself" to run any longer than a 5k. Exercising on the elliptical machine was a lot easier than going out and running a long distance.

At the end of the summer of 2009, we celebrated the five year anniversary of the Ray Lang Memorial Golf Tournament. Several weeks later, I received a phone call from the President of the Tug McGraw Foundation, Jennifer Brusstar. During our conversation, she asked me if I ran and then explained what Team McGraw was and how the team was running in the upcoming New York City marathon. After our conversation, I started to think about running in a marathon but once again I convinced myself that it would be impossible.

I did start running short distances though and while I ran I thought about if I would be able to run as a member for Team McGraw. As much as I wanted to, I would always convinced myself the 26.2 miles would be impossible! I sill researched the Team McGraw porgram and the different races individuals were involved in throughout the country.

During my research, I found a story of a woman named Jen McDevitt. Jen was diagnosed with brain cancer several years ago. Since her diagnoses, she has ran in several marathons in Chicago and New York City. While I searched on the internet to learn more about this remarkable story, I found a video that changed my thought process on running a marathon forever. After I saw this video, I went from saying "I could never run in a marathon" to officially signing up to run a marathon this October - a month after my 30th birthday!

I do not do justice in trying to explain this video - I will tell you that it changed my life - and just a warning before you press the play button: you may just find yourself running your neighborhood streets before you even realize what hit you! :) Ya Gotta Believe!

Video Link Here

How did I get here?!??!

Running was forced upon me. My guidance counselor in high school came to my homeroom one day in 9^th grade and insisted that I show up for track practice after school. He walked away before I could even open my mouth and say a word. I only lasted for one season of outdoor track during the spring and then one season of cross-country in the summer and fall. I did not enjoy running, and I made it obvious with my pathetic overall times after each race.

Even though I only lasted one season on an organized “running team”, I occasionally would get back on the road and finish a run. I began to run on my terms, at my pace, and it was ok to stop when I didn’t feel like running anymore. I even ran the neighborhood 5K races every year. The problem with running was every time I would “give it my all” in a race, I would end up getting sick! There is nothing more embarrassing than getting sick during a road race. I look back and can remember all of the times this problem affected my races. For example, Columbus Day, 1996, I am gaining speed and the leader is in my sight. One of the race officials tells me I am in second place. “Who, me?” I ask in amazement. One mile left, I can see the leader, all I have to do is get over this last hill and I am going to win this race and show everyone that I can compete as a runner. Wait, stop, hold the victory celebration, that is me off the path, hunched over and losing my breakfast!

Years later, with a half mile to go in a 5K race, a co-worker tells me we need to push it to the finish. We turn the last corner and hundreds of people are cheering us up the last hill. I’m almost there, ten feet till the finish, then, ugh, there is me again, hunched over, my co-worker pushing me over the finish, and I can hear hundreds of people screaming a collective… “EWWW!!” I can’t open my eyes, all I can hear is “If he doesn’t stop soon, we will need to get the paramedics over here!” I did stop, but I was extremely embarrassed. After that race, I vowed never to run again. I was convinced that running was not worth it, I could not control my stomach and I would find a different way to exercise.

Six months past and it came time to decide whether or not I wanted to run in the neighborhood Gaspee Days 5K that I had signed up for the previous three years before. This was the one race I ran every year but once again I never took seriously. I would go out the night before and attempt to run in the race hung over on four hours of sleep. The one year I did go to bed early the night before and “give it my all” I felt that “sick” feeling with about a half mile left and pulled on the brakes, saving myself from humiliation but throwing away my chance at a personal best.

Which begs the question, why, after all of these negative running experiences, am I two weeks away from running in my first half marathon in Nashville, TN? I will explain exactly “how I got here” in my next post.